I just want to say

If you don't like band I like, that's cool with me
If you like bands I don't like, that's cool too

But don't fucking start ranting how this band is totally weird.
Or not you're cup of tea.
Or you like just a bunch of songs.
Or whatever.

Just don't say anything about bands I like.

Well, truth to be told, this whole post is about one person
who is a friend

But lately we disagree in every possible way on everything
so it's kind of hard to maintain friendly relationship

Reason is mostly that she's a casual fan
a.k.a. listen to bunch of songs she came across,
not really interested what other songs band have, or who members are,
or what PVs\DVDs\etc. they have

and I'm the "dedicate your whole life to a band" fan
and even if I'm not trying I know lots of bands
and lots of stuff about bands and clubs and overall visual kei subculture

So she see me as unnecessary pressuring her with my unnecessary information
and I see her as, well, too little interested and sometimes stupid.

And it just breaks my heart how different we are.


My tiny collection

I don't really know why, but I thought it would be convenient.
So here it is. I hope it'll get bigger sometime soon~

実験台モルモット/ 千編万歌


heidi./イノセンス パンフ


Let me just say

I don't know japanese good enough to pass N3
And I knew it from the beginning

I just wanted to see...
if I can study hard enough
or if I'm smart enough
or maybe just luck...
I don't know

But thing is I was fully aware that I'm going to fail

But then this sort of exam tension kicked in
and I went going on and on
about how I'm no good and not going to pass this like no way

And every fucking one of my friends was like
"Stop talking bullshit! You're cool and smart and you surely gonna pass this!"

And then when I explain how I'm not even close to knowing shit I ought to
they still keep on insisting that it's just me being fucking too humble or something

And (oh my fucking slippers!) how all of them when they going to know that I failed
would keep on saying
"Cheer up! It's not the end of the world! You gonna do better next time!"

and bla bla bla

Oh why?! Fucking why? Not even one of them ever believe me that I don't care?

Sorry, I really needed to get this off my chest.


We are not so alike

So since graduation I was considering (more closely)
going to Japan (still doesn't mean I will).

And taking into consideration that I'm not in a slightest a people person
and maybe even agoraphobic,
going alone seems like a wast of time.
I mean sightseeing or shopping is a maybe,
but lives (which is half of my motivation to go) is out of the question.

So I thought that I might convince someone to go with me.

And right there I realize there like two people who actually share my music taste.
Of course, people I know and more or less friends with.
And sad pert is neither of them are going anytime soon. Sob

On the bright side (as I thought) there are many
who likes visual kei and some of them are super lovely and fun.
And even agrees to take in consideration short trip sometime this year.

But turns out liking vkei doesn't mean we have similar taste
Not even close

That's somehow strange :/

See you soon.


You know what?

I just don't understand.

I usually try being nice with people.
Awkward, lazy, but polite and nice.
I think it's a good thing.
There's enough stuff that's not good in our life,
I think.

But it's so much gets to me
when I try my best giving you all this excuses
for your not so perfect personality

but in return you act all hight and mighty
"It's not like I even want to hang out with you"
kind of attitude

So you know what? Fuck you.
I'm so done running after you

So if you just don't what to talk to me
say so, and you never gonna see my face again.
Rather then keeping that last option position
for me in your life

Sorry for the rant

See you soon.

@музыка: Plastic tree - 梟



I usually have two type of dreams:

one is a random mix of everything that's on my mind at the moment
whatever it is, my grades, bands, love-life etc
second is nightmares (don't worry I don't get it that much)
and they are like horror movies
literally like horror movie with all the typical plot twists and scene

up until now that second type was mostly me running away from some kind of monster
and the horror part was I had no chance to escape
like that thing has some gps on me and can walk through walls and such
so in the end I was hiding somewhere and I knew that anytime soon
that thing gonna catch me and here I usually wake up
thinking "Oh~ Thanks God that was just a dream"

but lately it changed and my nightmares are more like
me fighting something evil

So I wondered, that should be good right? that I'm not running and hiding anymore?

See you soon.

@музыка: yazzmad - ユートピア



I get that a lot

But recently there that thing
when I REALLY get irritated by something
but cant tell that person to stop that

Basically, she just really stubborn and
I don't know who you can say something like that
without her being mad at me

So I sit there and try my hardest to ignore that
and maybe someone else would tell her that she sucks

I'm not sure if that's a right thing to do, but she's a lovely girl

See you soon.

@музыка: Mejibray – Thinker

@настроение: dead


About fans

I know a few of future wifes.

And, to be honest, it doesn't bothers me. Well at least when there's a good amount of humor in what they say.
I find that amusing. But on the other hand there's so many butt-hurt fans...

But all those girls, they like musicians I don't like in that way.

Surely I find them attractive but not in the "OMG you're my life!" kind of way.
So I wonder if there were someone who likes M, would I get irritated too.

Strictly speaking, I don't think I'd mind Mazu's i-will-marry-him-fangirl
But if it was Mu... I think I'd get a bit "We'll see whom he chooses!"
Or I think by now I have similar feelings toward Rainman's Haru...

But honestly, I don't think, even if I had a real chance, I'd date any of them
I find it way more interesting to get to know them, to be-friend them maybe...

See you soon.

@настроение: full of unnecessary thoughts


For a change

It's not a sad post about M

I really need to study, so I really have no motivation for it
So I just looking around internet for something interesting :D

And that's what I found

Meet Jin and Haru from Rainman ( ´ ▽ ` )ノ

I just could not post that!

Haru's adorable facial expression :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

See you soon.

@настроение: in love

@темы: music, love, Rainman


I'll just leave it here

Elsewhere a person that is mention here could read it, and I don't want that

I have a complicate way of thinking
Especially when it come to expressing ones feelings

Don't you think, that by saying\tying something you feel will get cheaper?
I know that's not always true, and write about my feelings a lot...

But when it comes to one thing I, almost against my will going all table flipping

Don't get me wrong, I like her and think that she's great
But that thing is still unacceptable to me.

Ah~ That was a long begging...

The meaning of it is the following

There isn't much "j-rock fans", so someone rather outstanding, who on top of it was there for a long of time

unexpectedly die

the whole community in talking about this
I can understand that.

And personally I feel more astonished than sad.

But when you keep on saying "rip", "we won't forget you"
about the person you newer knew

What I am supposed to think about you?
For someone who takes interest in other only when she dies...

To me that's pyre posing!
And I hate that!

This is it.

See you soon.

@настроение: wanna kill someone

@темы: friends, rage


I lol'd


かわいいって言わなきゃコロス! (c) ameblo.jp/masataka-thomas/

seriously laughed out loud...

Maybe be it's just stress from studying

but that was so funny :D

See you soon.

@темы: music, love, lol


I want to say something

But I don't know what to say...

I still believe words make your feelings cheaper...
Like when you go on and on about your feelings it's like you don't really feeling it
but just showing off.
I know that's not all the time true, but that is how I feel.

That's why I'm redoing that post for tens time.

I don't even know where to start and is there even a point in starting.
Saying that I miss M like hell.
Saying that my heart aches a bit when I listen to them
But saying that I'm a grown up girl and I know it pass
I like so many things that in a year or two I may not be a fangirl at all.

With all those things, I thought again "I should be masochistic too be sad and happy at once" lol

See you soon.

@настроение: happilly sad

@темы: music, love, cries, M


About music (I guess...)

Reading 救音's lyrics
Even if I don't understand half of it
Even if I'm not all that emotional

I cried... And got angry...

It's that kind of emotions when you know it's no one fault
but you can't help but feel angry

"A really important song you said...
A song about wanting to ease people's pain with your music...
Did that feeling already disappeared?
You don't think like that anymore?
Indeed, it's like a broken promise...
A promise you couldn't keep..."

That's what was running through my mind...

I know that's unreasonable and selfish
And I just need to have my own life and stop depending on you.

Now, by typing it I got better... stopped worrying and all

See you soon.

@темы: worries, music, love, M


I'm hopeless

And all the butthurt thoughts will remain only in twitter

Yesterday (and I had a serious reason for it),
I was looking thought Ao's blog
or more like pics from his blog.

And end up all "I don't know what my feeling are doing! D:"
'Cuz well, they all so wonderful and it's so sad...

Well here you go. I just had to post this!

Cute Tetsuya-san with his dog! So adorable! :heart::heart:

A couple of fanarts. It seems like people doesn't post M's fanart on pixiv or DA
Another reason to be sad~

The quality is so low, but expressions so cute! Priceless!

And the last one

なんか、かっこいいですね。<img class=">
Don't hate me for using japanese despite the fact I don't know it...

See you soon.

@темы: music, love, M, Japanese


Priceless conversation with my mom

I don't even want to start about how awkward was when she saw j-rockers... :facepalm:
I kind of forgot I never showed her any for those "favorite musicians"
and when I went to lives, all end up on "You have no idea who they are, so why asking?"

And today when she called
"So you have enough money to pay for your study and japanese and rent.
You should have enough for the next month for rent too...
And there still going to be some more..."
"Yeah, mom, I know..."
"So you already bought the tickets, right?"
"Right~" :shy:

Oh~ She know me so well~

See you soon.

@темы: conversations, family, lives



A sight of my hometown.
Freezing cold...

A tea.

At a cafe with my mom.

And my phone charm broke.

Sad so sad....

@настроение: tired

@темы: Hometown, craft, walks


Showing off

I got a hair cut. Unexpectedly.
I got to my hometown at 6 a.m.
And I said my mom that I want to cut my hair, so they won't look so pathetic.
She called a hairdresser and made an appointment in one hour.

But when hairdresser asked what kind of hairstyle I want, I said "I don't care, make it look more healthy"

So she just start cutting it, asking me from time to time "is it OK like that?"

And in the end
My hairstyle end up being a bit like Arimura's

If you look closely you can see the resemblance, the shape is petty much the same.

But doesn't matter how much I tried it doesn't look like his hair...
Not that I tried a lot...

And when I washed my head, my hair
they made some kind of twist
And now it looks completely different!

See you soon.

@настроение: sleepy

@темы: me, love, Plastic tree


That made me curious

The whole situation with Screw coming to Europe.

First of all. I thought there's going to be a big fuss over that.
But I didn't see any!
Like no "OMG I'm so happy I could die!" or "Why? Why you no come to my country/America!"
That was a bit disappointing...
And most of all there were none of "Why them? why not Gazette/Alice nine/other PSC bands"

Indeed why?
Was it on the bands demand? Like others doing overseas tours why we can't?
Or was it management's decision? Something like a little promotion for that one would be good?

And I'm probably won't go to see them...
But at least there is someone I know who is going!

See you soon.

@музыка: lynch. - the whirl

@темы: music, live



Today I met that cute creature on twitter.
While reading her twits I had that kind of face => :3

I don't know why, but she makes me feel warm :)
But maybe that's just for now?...
Until I get to know her better...

Anyhow, she started talking to me...
I'm kind of shocked... why would someone wants to talk to me?

And I don't know what to say >.<
I'm afraid she'll thinks I'm rude if I'll answer simply, but I can't think of any good respond OTL

See you soon.

@темы: people, twitter, conversation issues



Vocals to be exact.

It's something that caught my attention first.
If I don't like vocalists voice I won't like a band.

Yes, I know vocalist isn't the only member of the band.
And shouldn't be overestimated, especially if he isn't the main composer.
But in my case it can't be helped.

I'm not saying I'm not listening to those bands.
I just won't ever like them as much as I like bands with good vocals.

But what's it about the voice that make my heart beating faster I don't know.

I don't like Munimuni vocals, but like KGF and DISH.
Not saying they are similar, but well...

See you soon.

@музыка: MaveRick - Close sky